I only want to recover
But my internal dynamics work in such a way
That each time I reach proximity to a state of bliss
My alarm bells tell me that “there is more work to do”
Because Life is supposed to be hard
But I know now, that my internal dynamics were shaped
By a constant state of fear
And I hush them and tell them that we are adults now
And I cry like a baby
What do you say to the child that should have been protected?
What do you say to the child that didn’t have to know, hear, feel or see yet?
How do you hold yourself, because in the end, you are the only one who knows that child truly?
How, when you didn’t learn how already so long ago?
You break down the adult you once were,
To find the child you were before
Then you build her up again
And hold you both
In strenght
In pain
In joy
In Sorrow
In Mourning
In celebration
And you never give up on her
And life will get softer
And recovery finds you
And starts holding you
I promise