What I have to say

Part 1
I'm not anti-academic
I'm just not one

I need to explain the value of what I do.
Without saying: "I gathered 500 people," or "This video was seen a thousand times."

To be quite honest with you,
I did have some annoying relationships with people from the academy
Because once I am perceived as an objective study
Sometimes, researchers don't understand that when I provide my time
I feel like, what do I get in return?

Researchers are coming from a very different economic model than creatives
I don't think we can honestly discuss creative practices unless we discuss the economic model that supports them

Sometimes creatives and researchers talk past each other
Because they come from different worlds
First, there is a need to be very clear about what the differences between their realities are 
Before they can discuss anything like a shared language for evaluation

I cannot follow what is perceived by me as a more academic inquiry;
Do a project, evaluate, write about it and then look for more funding
I tend to follow a more organic path of inquiry.

I am not in the university; I don't get monthly salaries
I have to fund myself, which means that I am in a constant cycle of having to raise funds
If I am in that cycle, I am drawn toward projects that bring in money
And in the time I find in between that, I will try to find other work that will bring more money

I learned to do all the statement and proposal writing
To tell people what I do and why I’m doing it
I got used to it, but also,
I think I got used to it in a way now
That it has become its own practice

All of it feels very, uh, to me.
I want to make the thing, put it in the world, and watch what happens
See what it becomes

Part 2
Researchers and I should not fool ourselves.
The research will not map out, define, and give guidelines and rules to all creatives.
It will not make institutions that are not involved with arts understand it
We must realize that research will only provide comprehensive insights into creative practice.
Those insights are not going to become the norm.

There are as many artists as approaches to creating art
Research might be able to offer a set of guidelines for how to approach it,
Those might be used to give an introduction.
And maybe a way to contact either artists or creative practitioners.

Researchers can try to evaluate art through conversations with creatives
But even what the creatives can say is only half of the knowledge
Because they aren't there all the time
And they aren't able to fully experience what visitors experience.

To me, the exciting parts of the conversations get cut off
Because we have to go back to the bureaucratic conversations
The administrative conversations
It's something that I feel I want to escape, but I have been unable to

I tend to have a lot of organic conversations.
I think a lot about in what material forms I can communicate my ideas
Those things are then reflected in my subsequent work.
But I'm not able to find the amount of time I need to evaluate in the way researchers do

I do understand documentation.
And there has to be a way to make that documentation digestible or accessible.
There would be freedom to choose how to use my time in this way.

I don't want to say we are at the beginning because we're never at the beginning.
We are in the middle of something.
But I sense that we need more time.